So going to work those few hours kept me going for awhile. It felt good to reclaim my life. As days went forward, I began noticing the "new me". It was scary in many ways. My reflexes were slower, my brain seemed to miss things. I began to wonder if I was capable of doing this type of work. How can I trust my judgement of transporting children, how can I supervise visits when I wasn't sure I was on top of things? I also had a family who had a child that was quite violent and disturbed, during one visit he lunged to me, was going to attack me. The father was able to subdue him, I called police. That night was when I really realized this job was not good for my health. I managed to hang on for a few months, and then explored my option of long term disability. I had applied for Ssdi already knowing it takes 6 months. Baldy and I attended meetings, got the info we needed and I made the decision to go out on leave. My plan was to return to work once I adjusted to all this. I also began on my own reducing my pain meds. I do not like meds of any kind. My body over reacts. I first went off the morphine. Now mind you, this was horribly scary for me because I could never forget that pain that brought me to the hospital. After I went off the morphine, no pain. Little clearer head. Success! Next up to bat was the oxy. I believe I was taking this 4 times a day. I dropped one dose. Adjusted to that, no pain. Well I had alittle pain here and there but nothing even close to what began this journey. I did not discuss this with my oncologist, I just did it. I then dropped another dose. Still good. I believe I gave my body about 2 weeks for each dose I dropped. I then dropped the 3rd. Still good. Now I was down to one dose of oxy and just naproxen. I was super scared. What if that last dose of oxy was what my body needed to keep the pain in check? I then talked to my oncologist about it. I told him I was going off the pain med regimen. His advice was don't do it. I then admitted I was down to one oxy. He said, then go for it. Dropping that last dose was the ultimate scare. I clung on for weeks to work up the courage. Finally, I said, just do it, if the pain begins ill just jump back on. Sooo, I let it go and began the waiting. I waited, and waited. Nothing. Just a lot more clear head, less constipation, but no pain. One week turned into two,then three, by four I knew it was ok. Now it was just naproxen. That's it. I felt amazing. I would get residual pain in my spine, ribs and pelvic but the naproxen kicked it right out. Naproxen became my best friend. For me, it worked wonders. My scans were every 9 weeks, they showed stability. To this day nearly 3 years later they remain stable. I have to add, and stress, that my never having a mammogram was not the worst thing I did. My breast tumor would not have been detected by a mammogram. In fact my oncologist still does not recommend them. They are not reliable, could be in fact a cause themself of cancer. My tumor was found by simple chest x ray. If you want to be accurate, do a chest x ray or ultrasound of the breast. There truly is to much unsurness with mammograms. I will stop here with my cancer in stable mode, I'm only on naproxen, I'm on disability, and all my tests are coming back normal every 3 weeks. Overall, considering how bad I felt, I'm doing pretty good.
My Spring Booth & SYS #115
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