I have so much more to write about, like why the title of this blog. I'll get to that, just not yet. I'm still struggling with refilling my blog, thing is it's not cheap and from my last experience I'm feeling burned. It dosnt sit well with me paying for something, it disappears and my emails go unanswered. Not good business! Anyhow, Sept 22 is approaching. This will be the 3 rd anniversary of my diagnosis. I was supposed to be buried according to that doctor. I'm here, struggling but here. I do not talk much about my aches and pains of daily life living with cancer in just about every bone I have. It's not fun. I try to focus on living and enjoying life, putting cancer on the back burner. I don't want to give it to much attention, lord knows it likes it! Sometimes though we must. Because it screams. So, yes there are days I remain in jammies in my comfy bed. That is very hard for me because I hate laying around. I like to be active, to accomplish things. Every day is a new goal of something for me. Sometimes after I accomplish something, I listen for the applause, nothing. Why is that? Anyhow I'm still here. I'm happy to be. I'm tired, I'm achy, I'm still sad. I continue to feel lost, that same feeling has never left me. I'm placed in a dark forest and left, how do I get out? Reality is, you don't. So you must adapt to your new surroundings. I continue to hope not for the cure, but for safer and better treatments. I'm one who believes there will not be a cure. That would mean less money for the greedy who feed off of terminal people. I've gotten over my anger and frustration with these organizations that steal from people in the name of finding the cure. I've educated my best about how the money is spent, and yet, yet, people continue to give to these places. All around you, yes you, women and men are dying, suffering, not getting meds, not having what they need, losing their homes, because the millions, possibly billions by now goes into thiefs salaries instead of helping those afflicted. I would hope people learn, but for the most part they do not. I think we give because it feels good, like we did something good for the world. We fail because we don't ensure the money goes to the correct place. I've left most online cancer groups because I can't handle the constant death, and I also can't handle the healthier women behaving like high school bullies. I expected sincere behavior from those dying, and far to many are hypricritical and cliche. I cannot handle that, I end up telling them off. So, I left. After learning I'm dying, the gloves came off , no more games, favorites, etc. I just love all, except all, want to support all. I continue to do, just in prayer. My hope is that I remain stable. I want to live. I have more of life I want to taste. A few more places to see. I pray god will grant me this time. Living with cancer is hard. I do my best. Pray for me, as I continue this journey.
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