Monday, September 26, 2011

New blog for me!

I need to journal.  I need to do something so I dont lose my mind in crazy thoughts, as well as leave a path mark of my journey I'm about to take.  I havent felt well for awhile.  I've been expressing how my job was taking a toll on me, my deep deep desire to spend more time with my family, my deep deep never ending desire to grab "life".  I want to stay up at night and star gaze, with no worry about having to get up.  I want to camp, with no worry of when to come home.  I want to have long leisurely lunches with people I care about, without having to "fit it in" and it never gets fit in.  I've been restless horribly for about a year and a half now.

Last week Tuesday after working all day, and hurting, I came home, made candles, and hurt so bad I couldnt take it.  Drove myself to the hospital, and dealt with such amazingly painful pain....I cant even describe to you.  Found out next day--breast cancer.  Had my biopsy done on Friday, waiting for the results.  Its in my bones.  Doctor told me, if I'm lucky 5 years.  I heard, God is in control, not me, not you, God. This will go down as God wants it to.  While I'm waiting for treatment, I want to journal this journey.  It will help me, I'm being selfish.

My pain is being managed fairly well.  I'm waiting for treatment and waiting to hear what options I have.  Waiting for the Cancer Treatment Center to call us back.  While I'm waiting, I'm going to live. 

I've been surrounded by family which is good.  For when I'm alone, I panic, I cry, I get so incredibly sad.  I want to laugh, laughter heals.

I know I'll be back now, because I'm not working.  I would like to change this blog title.  If anyone can help let me know.. I dont want to begin a new blog.  Looking forward to blogging once again.

4 Thanks for your comments!:

Kat said...

Oh, Dawnie, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Praying for a good biopsy result, please keep us posted. Hugs, Kat

Cindy (Applestone Cottage) said...

I am so very sorry Dawnie.
I am not sure how to change the title and not change the blog but someone may else may have a clue.
You have really been through a struggle, I pray that you can get the treatment you need and be healthy again.
Keep us updated too,

Shelley said...

Dawnie, So sorry to hear this! I will keep you in my prayers and send many good thoughts your way. Keep up your strength and your faith. Please keep us posted.
Big Hugs,

Connie said...

Dawnie....I am so sorry...I will put you on my prayer list. Glad you are surrounded by family and good friends...just the way it should be. Praying for you to LIVE for HIM all along your cancer journey and that you are a blessing to others as you are blessed through this!

Love ya girl!!!