New blog for me!

I need to journal.  I need to do something so I dont lose my mind in crazy thoughts, as well as leave a path mark of my journey I'm about to take.  I havent felt well for awhile.  I've been expressing how my job was taking a toll on me, my deep deep desire to spend more time with my family, my deep deep never ending desire to grab "life".  I want to stay up at night and star gaze, with no worry about having to get up.  I want to camp, with no worry of when to come home.  I want to have long leisurely lunches with people I care about, without having to "fit it in" and it never gets fit in.  I've been restless horribly for about a year and a half now.

Last week Tuesday after working all day, and hurting, I came home, made candles, and hurt so bad I couldnt take it.  Drove myself to the hospital, and dealt with such amazingly painful pain....I cant even describe to you.  Found out next day--breast cancer.  Had my biopsy done on Friday, waiting for the results.  Its in my bones.  Doctor told me, if I'm lucky 5 years.  I heard, God is in control, not me, not you, God. This will go down as God wants it to.  While I'm waiting for treatment, I want to journal this journey.  It will help me, I'm being selfish.

My pain is being managed fairly well.  I'm waiting for treatment and waiting to hear what options I have.  Waiting for the Cancer Treatment Center to call us back.  While I'm waiting, I'm going to live. 

I've been surrounded by family which is good.  For when I'm alone, I panic, I cry, I get so incredibly sad.  I want to laugh, laughter heals.

I know I'll be back now, because I'm not working.  I would like to change this blog title.  If anyone can help let me know.. I dont want to begin a new blog.  Looking forward to blogging once again.