Saturday, November 26, 2011

Update on Cancer Journey!

Hi everyone! Its been a very long time.  I will be coming back to blogland and with a vengence.  I have a business to build, a website to promote, and a life to be lived.  I need encouragement, uplifting people and positive thoughts.  From what I've learned and continue to learn at this point, I'm terminal. My oncologist will not say that, he believes in living, and fighting the fight and beating the odds. I'm glad he is like that, because I tend to be negative, scared and timid.  BUT...I'm fighting--its just maybe different than some do. So far, I've had 2 treatments, my 3rd will be this tuesday.  Treatment is hormone based, I took it very well last time--other than for about 3-5 days I was beyond tired and would fall asleep while sleeping lol.  this time I get the bone part of the treatment and the last time I had that I did not feel right-and my chest felt weird for about 2 weeks. I'm going to ask for a different bone treatment as I didnt like that. We shall see. My husband and my daughter go with me on my treatment days. I love that, I cannot be alone.  My husband and my kids are very supportive and loving, I could NOT ask for anything more.  However, and this seems to be a common thread amongst all cancer warriors...I get lonely.  Its a lonely I cannot explain.  I'm thinking what it is,,,is that I need someone who has cancer like me--to talk to.  They "get" it.  I dont want to burn out my husband,,it seems all we talk about is "cancer", how i'm feeling, etc.  Its not fair to him.  I dont want my end of life story to be--after I die--he runs out and finds some healthy lady that he falls madly in love with--has passionate sex with, because it felt so good to be with someone who didnt always talk illness, or show pain etc.  I want him to be having all his needs met also..its imperative that he does--because he is my caretaker.

My website for my business should be up and running hopefully this week.  I plan on building my business as best i can--for income for us...as well as to leave my children with a business that is making a decent income so they have an inheritance.  I will be eternally grateful and at peace if I can do this. 

I'm still working about 13-15 hours per week at my full time job. I was approved for SSDI but that does not begin until april 1.  they make you wait 6 months. Do you think if anyone in the senate got a terminal disease they would wait for 6 months for a paltry 800 dollars a month. Not only that, they make you wait 2 years for health insurance..here you are dying--and you have to wait 2 years!!!!  Thank god for right now--for today I'm ok to work and I have an employer that is willing to accept my limitations and I can keep my health insurance..thank you GOD!  What most of you dont know--or those that arent sick--is that is our reality.  so when I got sick at the end of sept--my life as i knew it stopped.  My full time income is done.  What i earn now will go to paying for our health insurance. I'm ok with that...but reality is , bills do not stop because you got cancer.  I have obligations to pay each month.  so far i've been able to pay them. I have a lease car--thank you god another smart decision i've made--so my payment on this new car is very cheap. I've been able to make that thru my business and pray I continue to do so.  My job covers the health insurance.  Thats all i have for now other than some small bills which I will be able to pay off.  I have to say--for any of you that enjoy candles--soy candles,,100% soy candles--please consider buying from me. I will do my best to make sure even with shipping its worth your financial while to do this.  I am trying to support myself with my business and I have no problem asking people to consider buying from me--keep the business in the U.S..and from someone who truly needs the income. 

another great thing about buying from me!!! Iguarantee my candles...if you find they dont burn right--I will replace them or your money. I've only had one breakage in my shipping so far and I've shipped as far as France! I now have customers in Los Angeles on their repeat order!!! that says alot to me..I'm so proud.

anyhow, I will be coming here more often to not only keep my cancer journey updated but also keep my business going strong.  I pray all of you are doing well out there!  I look forward to reconnecting with alot of you...I also look forward to "living" my life--one day at a time--truly and continuing with decorating and making my home or where ever I live--a comfortable beautiful place to spend my days and nights. I fully believe healing and life length is promoted by not only our oncologists, and treatments but by our mental attidtudes, our faith in God, prayers, and an environment that is positive, uplifting, beautiful and peaceful.

8 Thanks for your comments!:

Justabeachkat said...

Hi Dawnie

Thanks for your visit and comment. I hope you'll stop by again. You are always welcome. I love getting to know other bloggers.

I am so very sorry to hear about your recent cancer diagnosis!
As a breast cancer survivor myself (6 years on March 9th), I know how frightening and overwhelming these first days are, but with God we can get through anything. Absolutely anything. Cling to Him. Hold on tight.

May I offer some advice? Stay positive! Don't let anyone talk negatively to you. Walk away if you must. Words are powerful. Have faith in your doctors, your family and friends and most importantly in God.

I learned after my diagnosis that my faith is what helped me more than anything else. I know this might sound strange at this point, but it's the truth...there are gifts from cancer. I have no doubt that you will discover this for yourself. A big one for me was that I learned that I really did believe...and because of that, I was not afraid. I knew, no matter what, I would be just fine. Whatever God had in His plan for me, I would be okay and the fear left me. I hope you will find this peace too. It's an incredible gift.

One thing that really helped me was a mental picture of myself kneeling in God's hand and me looking up into His Face. I could almost feel the warmth of love shining down upon my face. The bible tell us that God holds us in His righteous right hand. I believe this. So, any time I felt the least bit uneasy, I would close my eyes and see my mental picture. It truly helped me. (Your mental picture might be something else, but I hope you find one and use it.)

I have a list of bible verses that were given to me by a nurse at the hospital right after I was diagnosed. I truly believe God sent an angel in a lab coat just when I needed one. Reading these helped me more than I can ever express. I printed them and kept a copy in my purse so that any time I needed "help" I could pull them out and find comfort. Let me know if you would like me to email them to you.

No matter what happens in our life, God is always with us. Always! I know this for a fact. I hope you will cling to your faith. It's so important.

Stay strong. Keep a positive attitude...it's so important. Believe! Know you are loved...by God, your family and friends.

I will be praying for you.
Hugs,
Kat

sharon said...

I found your blog through Kat's blog. So sorry for all you are going through. I so believe in the power of prayer and will add you to my prayer list! Will be checking in on you soon! Hugs! Sharon

Darlene said...

I also found you through Kat's Blog. I am so sorry for you Cancer diagnosis. Keep strong and positive and stay away from those who drag you down. It is great that your family goes with you for your treatment. You need them as much as they need you. I have lost friends to Cancer and have had friends live through the worst Cancer. I do not understand how this is possible but it is, so fight for your life and hang on to those who help you. Take care and I will come back and visit you in the near future.

Rebecca said...

Dawn...I'm more sorry than I can say about your cancer diagnosis. I want you to know that you are in my prayers and I will continually lift you up to the Most High for grace, peace and healing.

Jesus is in the healing business my friend...make no mistake about it...HE HEALS! I've never had cancer (thank you, God) but I do have an auto immune disorder that at 30 I was sure would claim my life. But, God had other plans. Here I am 22 years later and doing great~

I know you have a big fight ahead of you my friend but YOU CAN DO THIS! With the help of your hubby and daughter and family your support system is strong. Stay positive and breathe in life. Enjoy your biz and think positive! I love the fact your doc won't say 'terminal'. I hate that word.

Blessings to you this day. May God hold you in His loving Palm as your journey unfolds~

Love to you~

Rebecca

seanymph said...

Im sorry to hear that you have been ill but never ever think that its over. The mind is a powerful thing and has been known to keep folks going long after Drs have said otherwise. I read about you needed someone to talk to and I wonder if you have looked for a support group around you. I hear that not only does it help to get you thru it but that it often times gets folks surviving who otherwise would not have.

Your tough, I can see that in what you say here so never give up. Things have been tough here too with no work and Im not sure what we are going to do. I am about to start selling things myself online just to try to bring in some cash so I do understand what your doing now. Good Luck. :)

Kristen said...

I am so sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I can imagine cancer is a scary thing and it is hard to stay positive.

I just wanted to say that I admire your courage. I hope that you get good news from your doctors soon.

Lilly said...

You look beautiful Dawnie, truly beautiful. I agree with others. God has us in his hands. Keep strong.

Dawn said...

dawnie, thanks for stopping by today and leaving me a little note :) what a journey you are on... i am so sory that you are travelling this road, but i am glad you know that God is in control! i have sat and prayed a healing prayer for you... and that you remain strong and cheerful in the face of ick. and i add you to my too-long list of people who need healing. xoxo