Continuation---

So, while I'm crabby at work, not feeling the best, my life goes on. I begin searching a way to make a supplemental income to hopefully replace my full time job. Problem is, I carry the health insurance. It's dam good insurance, for a very reasonable cost. The pressure I feel is huge as my family is my greatest gift. I decided to make natural body care products. I was the biggest fan of Bath and Body Works. I was reading their ingredients one day and was shocked. That's when it hit me to make things not as harsh on our bodies. Little did I know, cancer was growing in my body! So, I searched the internet. I found books, supplies, and I began ordering, making, experimenting. I soon began selling. My house turned into a small store. I had boxes arriving daily. I loved every second of it. When I got home from work, I would immediately begin learning. I quickly learned who had the best materials, that this was an expensive venture. Once I got the body care going, I thought of adding candles. I learned most of the candles we burn are petroleum based, so as they burn, we are breathing in petroleum! Soo, I went with soy. I found someone locally whom I've never met, but talked to me for endless hours and guided me thru the process. I lost a lot of money. I wasted a ton of products. But,,,,I learned. Soon, I had candles on my shelves. Clean burning, petroleum free, fragrant candles. That to, overtook my house. I now have two rooms invaded by my dream!  A good portion of my work money went to my supplemental job. But I found I was alittle happier, more hopeful, and loving it. I mastered bath bombs, body butter, lotions. All better for us. I haven't purchased a body product in over 5 years now.  I make my own. The only thing I was never able to master and complete was labels. I just never got that far.  I was no way no making enough money to replace my job, but I was happier. I had that thing called, hope! I bought my first new car on my own at the age of 52. I shed tears that day. Only god knew how big that was for me.  I loved my little Kia, I loved my business,I loved my family, I despised my job! I woke up most days begging god to get me out. I began going on job interviews. I searched every day I could to get out. When I was there, I tried my best to tell myself it wasn't that bad. Then another memo would come thru about those 15 minute time sheets and I hated all over again. No longer could we give up lunch to go early. No longer could we flex our schedules without approval. I used to enjoy doing some of my work on Sundays as baldy liked to watch football, I don't, and doing supervised visits for families always seemed to help many of our families. Then I had more free time during the week. Now I had to get permission. I began feeling more and more like a child, not a grown, intelligent, worker. The hate continued. My voicing it continued. People very often were slowly disappearing. Fired, for what many if us did, do, and deny. The rumors were if someone comes walking towards your desk with a box, your up! So the standing joke became, hey as long as I don't see a box I'm good. I'll admit as I did then, many that were fired were fired for what many of us did. Falsify our time sheets. I mean really, how can you honestly document 15 minutes all day? I made stuff up, just to get them filled out. But,,,,,I can tell you this, I was working. I can also tell you, I sometimes worked many nights as many others, not documenting our time. We worked for free. Why? Because we cared about our clients. So many phone calls, some for hours. One time I talked to a client that I despised, for hours well into the late hours, coaching her while she gave birth. I wanted to ensure the safe arrival of the baby and keep mom calm. I never documented that. I doubt they would have cared. At times I found myself still trying to help, to relearn how to care, to remove my frustration. To find a way to continue in this job. I needed the income, the insurance, and I loved my little Kia! To be continued,,,,,,,