Life in general

My goal is to get back to blogging on a regular basis.  I have the time now..so I just gotta do it! I'm working on my website and hope to see it up soon.  Right now its a mess..lol.  My candles have been doing quite well, I'm getting alot of good feedback from them.  Makes me happy.  

One the cancer side of my journey, I had my treatment this week.  I have hormone treatment due to my cancer being estrogen driven.  My treatment consists of IV every 3 weeks, bone treatment every 6 weeks thru IV, an injection in the abdomen every 3 weeks to bring on menopause.  I also take a cancer pill daily.  Overall I'm doing ok.  I have good days, bad days.  There are times I just sleep, or just lay low.  There are still days I can conquer the moon.  I love it when I have those. I have days that I feel so well I cannot believe I'm stage 4.  Then i have days where I hurt so much I KNOW i have stage 4.  I'm attempting to come to grips that I will not be cured. Apprently you dont get cured from Stage 4.  You die from it--at some point.  I hate that.  but i'm coming to terms.  there are more and more women surviving many years with this cancer--good quality years.  Some are well over 10 now.  I want to be a part of that group. That is my prayer.  Also, i figure each year you survive, newer treatments will come out--and perhaps one will come along where its a given that you can live--out a normal life span, just always have the disease. In the meantime, my goal is to spend quality time with my children and grandchildren, camp more--beach more, travel with my husband...AND build my business to a solid enough business I can pass it down to my kids so they have an income.  I love my business.. LOVE it.  I need years to do what I want--so like I said--my prayer is for years.  Its winter here in wisconsin,, I'm not happy about that. going out into the cold now--it goes right to my bones and its very uncomfortable. I'm longing for the warm weather so im more comfortable physically but also so I can get out and embrace life..gardening, swimming, staying up and and star gazing..all the things I love to do. It means so much more to me now.  I hope to also build my blog...I still want to decorate and make my home a safe, comfortable place to be..and I still enjoy reading and trying new recipes.  I will get out and blog visit again...and I hope to meet many freinds--and if im lucky--maybe some that have survived the same type of cancer that I have and are living a decent quality of life.  If you know of anyone that is doing well with Stage 4 breast cancer--PLEASE send them my way.  Cancer is a lonely journey.

Update on Cancer Journey!

Hi everyone! Its been a very long time.  I will be coming back to blogland and with a vengence.  I have a business to build, a website to promote, and a life to be lived.  I need encouragement, uplifting people and positive thoughts.  From what I've learned and continue to learn at this point, I'm terminal. My oncologist will not say that, he believes in living, and fighting the fight and beating the odds. I'm glad he is like that, because I tend to be negative, scared and timid.  BUT...I'm fighting--its just maybe different than some do. So far, I've had 2 treatments, my 3rd will be this tuesday.  Treatment is hormone based, I took it very well last time--other than for about 3-5 days I was beyond tired and would fall asleep while sleeping lol.  this time I get the bone part of the treatment and the last time I had that I did not feel right-and my chest felt weird for about 2 weeks. I'm going to ask for a different bone treatment as I didnt like that. We shall see. My husband and my daughter go with me on my treatment days. I love that, I cannot be alone.  My husband and my kids are very supportive and loving, I could NOT ask for anything more.  However, and this seems to be a common thread amongst all cancer warriors...I get lonely.  Its a lonely I cannot explain.  I'm thinking what it is,,,is that I need someone who has cancer like me--to talk to.  They "get" it.  I dont want to burn out my husband,,it seems all we talk about is "cancer", how i'm feeling, etc.  Its not fair to him.  I dont want my end of life story to be--after I die--he runs out and finds some healthy lady that he falls madly in love with--has passionate sex with, because it felt so good to be with someone who didnt always talk illness, or show pain etc.  I want him to be having all his needs met also..its imperative that he does--because he is my caretaker.

My website for my business should be up and running hopefully this week.  I plan on building my business as best i can--for income for us...as well as to leave my children with a business that is making a decent income so they have an inheritance.  I will be eternally grateful and at peace if I can do this. 

I'm still working about 13-15 hours per week at my full time job. I was approved for SSDI but that does not begin until april 1.  they make you wait 6 months. Do you think if anyone in the senate got a terminal disease they would wait for 6 months for a paltry 800 dollars a month. Not only that, they make you wait 2 years for health insurance..here you are dying--and you have to wait 2 years!!!!  Thank god for right now--for today I'm ok to work and I have an employer that is willing to accept my limitations and I can keep my health insurance..thank you GOD!  What most of you dont know--or those that arent sick--is that is our reality.  so when I got sick at the end of sept--my life as i knew it stopped.  My full time income is done.  What i earn now will go to paying for our health insurance. I'm ok with that...but reality is , bills do not stop because you got cancer.  I have obligations to pay each month.  so far i've been able to pay them. I have a lease car--thank you god another smart decision i've made--so my payment on this new car is very cheap. I've been able to make that thru my business and pray I continue to do so.  My job covers the health insurance.  Thats all i have for now other than some small bills which I will be able to pay off.  I have to say--for any of you that enjoy candles--soy candles,,100% soy candles--please consider buying from me. I will do my best to make sure even with shipping its worth your financial while to do this.  I am trying to support myself with my business and I have no problem asking people to consider buying from me--keep the business in the U.S..and from someone who truly needs the income. 

another great thing about buying from me!!! Iguarantee my candles...if you find they dont burn right--I will replace them or your money. I've only had one breakage in my shipping so far and I've shipped as far as France! I now have customers in Los Angeles on their repeat order!!! that says alot to me..I'm so proud.

anyhow, I will be coming here more often to not only keep my cancer journey updated but also keep my business going strong.  I pray all of you are doing well out there!  I look forward to reconnecting with alot of you...I also look forward to "living" my life--one day at a time--truly and continuing with decorating and making my home or where ever I live--a comfortable beautiful place to spend my days and nights. I fully believe healing and life length is promoted by not only our oncologists, and treatments but by our mental attidtudes, our faith in God, prayers, and an environment that is positive, uplifting, beautiful and peaceful.

New blog for me!

I need to journal.  I need to do something so I dont lose my mind in crazy thoughts, as well as leave a path mark of my journey I'm about to take.  I havent felt well for awhile.  I've been expressing how my job was taking a toll on me, my deep deep desire to spend more time with my family, my deep deep never ending desire to grab "life".  I want to stay up at night and star gaze, with no worry about having to get up.  I want to camp, with no worry of when to come home.  I want to have long leisurely lunches with people I care about, without having to "fit it in" and it never gets fit in.  I've been restless horribly for about a year and a half now.

Last week Tuesday after working all day, and hurting, I came home, made candles, and hurt so bad I couldnt take it.  Drove myself to the hospital, and dealt with such amazingly painful pain....I cant even describe to you.  Found out next day--breast cancer.  Had my biopsy done on Friday, waiting for the results.  Its in my bones.  Doctor told me, if I'm lucky 5 years.  I heard, God is in control, not me, not you, God. This will go down as God wants it to.  While I'm waiting for treatment, I want to journal this journey.  It will help me, I'm being selfish.

My pain is being managed fairly well.  I'm waiting for treatment and waiting to hear what options I have.  Waiting for the Cancer Treatment Center to call us back.  While I'm waiting, I'm going to live. 

I've been surrounded by family which is good.  For when I'm alone, I panic, I cry, I get so incredibly sad.  I want to laugh, laughter heals.

I know I'll be back now, because I'm not working.  I would like to change this blog title.  If anyone can help let me know.. I dont want to begin a new blog.  Looking forward to blogging once again.

Goosebumps!

Ms. Ellie watching goosebumps in our room.  Its been a LONG time.  My computer crashed, had to get a new one, learning to use that is time consuming enough.  Then when I went to install the camera program to download pictures that is taking a lifetime to learn.  Why cant things be as simple as they were on your old computer???  Anyhow, I'll be back, just wanted to see if I could get this going.

Unfinished things

This post is about unfinished things.  We all have them, all different but we all have them.  At the beginning of Spring I went and bought these two books, both had decent reviews and I thought if I picked them up in Spring I would surely have had them read by now. Each time I go camping, or take them to work and read them during times of the job that I could, at night before I go to bed...you get the idea.  I figured I had plenty of time to get these done.  I actually have 2 other books that I started and the story is the same...they are lying around unfinished.  

I had a list of projects around the house at the beginning of Spring also that i wanted done.  For the most part, they are all.  I think I may have even surpassed what I wanted to accomplish.  The books, I dont know, i start reading and then I get to doing something else.  Unfinished stuff like this is frustrating me.  It means I am not taking enough time to just be still and let my mind go off into something interesting, something different than my ordinary routines, taking the time to de'stress--detox.   I continue to try to find ways to end some of the chaotics of my life, but I'm in a constant struggle.  

Summer is about half over, I'm hoping to have these books completed by then.  I will have new goals then, perhaps new books, but I would really like to be able to commit 100% to not letting life take over my mind.

July Blooms!

For the life of me I cannot remember the names of these beautiful flowers.  I planted them from a seeds from a former family that I worked with.  They had them in all kinds of beautiful colors and i was mesmerized by them.  They look like a cross between carnations and roses.  Our warm season has been a mixture of cool temps, rains, and now the heat.  Not the best of summers but not the worst and from so many whose weather has been cruel, Wisconsin cannot complain!

We took a vacation this past week to Denton, Texas, near Dallas.  It was amazing.  We hadnt yet had very warm weather so getting temps daily in the 100's was GREAT.  I lived in the pool for 5 days and did not get sick of it.  We visited our son who is now RV'ing living there.  We drove our RV, and had a problem free trip.  I loved what I saw in Texas, and the people were amazingly nice.  For one day we visited San Antonio, Riverwalk, I loved that also, but wished we could have spent a night or two.  

Now its back home, a couple days to enjoy the home, catch up on things like this and then back to the grind.  I've applied for a different job, in the schools, which I pray I get, because then I will have off all summer to RV, visit kids and grandkids and just enjoy the deck.  I also will no longer have to fight for time to enjoy the holidays since I would follow the school schedule.  Another part of a different job like this--I can do the farmers markets in summer to promote my business.  I'm still loving that, but just dont have time to do much with it.  One good thing I learned recently was that while on vacation in Texas, I use whatever samples i'ved saved from hotels and old body products that I had before I started my business. I did not bring my lotion or body butter with.  I was amazed at how "bad" the lotions I had to use were to what I make.  That dry intense heat wreaks havoc on our bodies and the lotions I had, did not hold a candle to what I make.  That just intensifies my zest for promoting and believing in the products I make.  You cant put enough value on an natural body butter filled with great ingrediants to keep our skin supple and well moisturized.

My family is well, twins are coming along great, they are 4 months now.  I will have to post some pictures. 

just thoughts

Its been so long I almost forgot I have a blog!  Yep life is still busier than I would like it to be..and nope I havent been able to leave my full time job and do my business....still waiting for that though!

I love this picture because it reminds me of what so many of us love to do after a long hard day...soak our tootsies!

Its been a rough Spring here in Wisconsin--slow to warm.  We finally have our garden in and most of the flowers planted.  We also have a vacation planned soon, hopefully that will work out...I get scared to talk about it because so many times I've planned things, they didnt work out.  Either way, even if we dont go anywhere, I will have 10 glorious days to enjoy home.

My business is still putzing along, i have so much stuff its hilarious.  I just continue to learn to make more products, new candle scents and I dont ever get tired of it.  I guess it relaxes me from my full time job and life.

I would like to say I'll post more often but it seems that when we say that--we disappear for weeks! 

Its Easter Duck Time!

Yep its that time of year once again!  We dont have him up yet but he's going up hopefully tomorrow.  I thought I would be able to post at least once a week, but life is still keeping me running.  I so miss keeping up on here and visiting blogs.  I could say I will be more regular but it seems every time we say that, something eats up our time again.
I'm still working full time and still praying for part time.  I have to say though with this icky economy and gas, it is such a blessing to have extra money.  It helps me help my kids and also get things for my business that I would not be able to afford.  I'm still adding new products very often and loving every minute of it.

We are longing for warm temps here in Wisconsin, they are still eluding us.  Its quite frustrating because at this time of year we are craving to be outside. 
I hope everyone is doing well and I'll be around to check out your blogs!

Twins have arrived!

My oldest son and his wife Tashina gave birth to their twin daughters this Friday.  Both babies and Mom are doing great.  Each baby weighed 6 lbs even.  Eleana and Elin are their names.  Its really neat seeing twins all over again, and even neater to think I had twin girls and then our oldest son also did.   They came home today, to their older sister Ms. Ellie (4) and brother Eli (1).   She will be busy! 

We are having another winter storm today, not anywhere close to what we had a couple of weeks ago, but enough of one to keep us housebound.  Spring cant come soon enough!

A Black Squirrel, something you dont see to often in this area.

This morning as i was almost out the door for work, i saw this black squirrel on my deck.  Actually, there were at least 10 squirrels robbing the bird feeders and then I saw this little guy.  I rarely see them, in fact I think this is either my first time or 2nd, but thats it.  He was adorable and just as naughty as the others robbing all the feeders.  Hopefully if you click on the picture you can see him better.  I tell ya, if I didnt work full time a good portion of my time would be enjoying Gods creatures.  One of my favorite pastimes is watching the birds and the squirrels.  I've been lucky a few times to also see deer wander thru the yards at night.  Thats rare for here also because of all the traffic.

Wisconsin is having some early Spring temps right now and its so refreshing.  The snow is melting fast and its so nice to only need a sweater again.  People are saying dont get excited because it will not last, but at least at this time of year, we know its coming to an end soon.

Packers, Superbowl Winners!

Our neighbors a few houses down put this tribute up for the Green Bay Packers.  My picture is not the greatest but the idea is awesome.  He puts his Green Bay Coolor out in the snow each time the packers play.  The first time I saw it, I thought "cool someone is throwing a packer cooler away, I'll just grab it and give it to my grandson Eli for his room and toys". My husband says, dont take that, there is no way someone is throwing that away.  So I left it and noticed each time they play the cooler is in the snow.  Well tonight he added an outdoor patio light so it looks like an eternal flame.  I couldnt stop laughing.   We all know the Packers are gonna take it, so I'm just posting this picture to celebrate their victory!  Go Green Bay.  (I dont even watch football or know the slightest thing about it lol)

Blizzard of 2011

This first picture is of this morning after the blizzard.  Baldyman snowplowed a path to our sons house and then of course so Genie could get out and walk around and find a place to do her duty.

This picture is what you see when you open our front door.  This is before Baldyman shoveled. 

This photo is last night before the blizzard hit full force. 

This also is of last night before the major winds and snow hit.  We have to snowplow a maze out for Genie, otherwise the snow is up to her neck.  She has heart problems and sometimes when she treds thru deep snow, she collapses so I want to make sure she can get out there and play or due her duties.  For our area we didnt get as much as they predicted but with the drifting we surely have areas of well over a foot of snow.  Now the fun comes, wind chills below 20 and high winds.

New from Pottery Barn!

I still have to get used to learning this new photo download and how to post.   Anyhow, I thought I would show you my new sofa from Pottery Barn.  Its PB Comfort, one of the most comfortable sofa's I've ever sat on.   Actually that is what got us!  I love the store but find it quite expensive so I waited for a sale and then jumped on it.  After the sale and the 10% gift card you get when you use the Pottery Barn Charge, its actually not that expensive at all.   The first photo is of the new couch.  I got brave and ordered it in Red or Burnt Sienna is what they call it.  The covers are removable for washing which is very atttractive to probably all of us homemakers!   We got the linen cover which so far I'm very happy with.

With the 10% gift card you get when you use the Charge I was able to go back and get the middle pillow and the large candle lantern as well as the candles that go with for no extra charge.  That was great!  I would never pay what they want for that pillow but I loved it, so it was great to get that.   That cover is also removable for washing. 

The picture above is from Kirklands, something I've had my eyes on for years.  The Hand of God I beleive is the name of the painting, from which God touches Adams hand.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE that also.  I've been redoing my living room-stepping out and getting bold in my old age.  I will post the curtains later.   If you havent been to Pottery Barn, you have to check it out.  While its pricey, if you use that charge you get the 10% card back and of course pay it off quick and the interest wont affect you!

And the snow continues!

We have had another snowstorm in Wisconsin today.  This time we got probably around 5-6 inches.  It was snowing so much I left work at 12 today.  I went into a panic, actually felt like I was getting flu pains.  I think the problem is that when we had our snow and ice storm several weeks ago I lost control of my car and went into a huge ice snow bank that literally ripped the entire front fender off my car, tore off the wheel well cover.  I am still in the process of getting the car fixed.  Can you believe the car told my husband he thinks I should wait for the fender until Spring in case I do that again!!!!! I was going thru roundabout which forces you to go slow anyhow--but the nerve of him...insinuating I dont know how to drive lol.   I'm 52 and only have had one small accident in my life.  Anyhow, I came home early and enjoyed the afternoon making candles and updating Etsy and then of course you cant have a winter snow day without a big pot of Chili!

I should get some award of some sort--this is my 3rd post in the last 3 days.  I'm amazed.  Oh and the picture, is of Genie coming in from a potty break covered in snow. 

Small SnowStorm in Wisconsin

Hopefully you can see the snow falling if you enlarge the photo.  Last night we had a small storm by Wisconsin Standards.  I woke up to about 3-4 inches of snow this morning.  It was very pretty when I went to bed, in fact I left my bedroom blinds open so I could fall asleep watching the snow against the pretty outside lights we have left up. 
The temps here in Wisconsin havent been to bad as of late, high 20's to low 30's which is actually great for us this time of year.  Most days all I need is a sweater and a scarf.  January is usually a very brutal month for us with many days at 0!  I thought maybe we were going to escape that this year--but I just found out next week, the 0 temps are going to arrive which means at night--wind chills of well below 0!  NOT FUN!

Valenties Day--Lucky N Love!

I just listed this in my Etsy Shop today.  I made this this morning and this product is devine!  Its a sugar/salt body cleansing scrub with the Lucky n Love Scent.  I'm really enjoying this new scent for the month of Romance.  I also made this in Soy candles, shower gel, body lotion and body spritz.  If anyone is interested let me know!  The scent is made up of Wisteria, Greens and assorted clovers, you wont be disappointed!

Well now that the holidays are over, life is slowing down somewhat.  There really isnt much to do in the colder months so its a nice time to fluff up your home, relax alittle more, and for me experiment with new products.  I'm also beginning to plan our vacation.  We would like to park our camper on the ocean somewhere warm, so if anyone has some tips on beautiful places to park your RV ON the ocean send em my way.

Next month we also anticipate the arrival of the twins!  My oldest son and his wife will be expecting the twins, and they are girls towards the end of the month.  Its a very exciting time.  Its strange to me that I had twin girls and now my oldest son is having them.  I'm just secretly glad its not me, lol.  It was a great experience, but not something I would want to do twice!

I hope your all enjoying this winter time of year and i'm sure most of you just like me are eagerly awaiting Spring!