A day at the beach

These photos were taken end of June.  It was a beautiful day at a very quiet, peaceful beach in Kenosha Wisconsin.  The perfect place to go to bring a book, lunch or dinner and enjoy the Lake Michigan.  For some odd reason, this beach is rarely used. Its tucked away off a very quiet road.  Thats a good thing because most beaches are full of noise, litter and just to much ativity to really relax and feel as if your on vacation.  I wanted to go back there before summer was over, but its looking like I wont make it. Every summer starts out with such good intentions, things I want to do.  I started out really well, but then once July hit, I found myself struggling to do anything.  Every weekend something was scheduled.  August has been the same.  In some ways I'm so blessed to have so much to do with family and loved ones, in other ways I crave some more free time to just be still.  I'm a person who loves to do nothing, to just enjoy the scenery, listen to the sounds, watch time stand still.  thing is, it dosnt stand still does it?  As we are nearing the end of August, I find myself once again sad that summer is being put away once again.  Fall is wonderful, but for those of us who live in 4 seasons, we know what that means!  I hope these pictures create a feeling of peace within you...picture yourself here, just enjoying the quiet.

Breast Cancer Candle

This is a picture of the breast cancer candle.  This is 100% Soy, the lid is a tin lid that will be hot when burning.  Its also a wood wick candle with a burn time of 25-30+ hours.  Anyone considering supporting breast cancer awareness month please consider this.  If there is a purchase of 2 I will include a free gift of either tealights or clamshells for candle warmers.  The price of the candle is $15.00 plus shipping.  If your interested please email me dawn53094@yahoo.com.  Shipping costs I can let you know once I know how many candles you would like.  I use US Priority and there is set costs depending on the size box.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Breast Cancer Awareness Month isnt until October.  October 13th is Metastatic Breast Cancer, day....just the day.  I guess I'm partial to October 13th since I'm Metastatic Stage 4.  I'm partial to anything Stage 4 simply because we are the forgotten ones.  People may not like what I have to say, but these are the facts. Out of all the money raised for Breast Cancer, all of it, which is billions, only 2% goes to research for Stage 4.  That angers me, saddens me, frustrates me, and leaves me almost speechless.   Out of the earlier Stages of Breast Cancer, 30% of those who are told they are cured will go on to Stage 4.  These are facts, no one wants to hear it especially those who are battling earlier stages.  I began my breast cancer journey at Stage 4. I didnt get the chance to fight.  I'm terminal from the get go.  I've never been angry, only sad.  Those who have followed me or know me from facebook or other places, know I'm approaching my first year of living with Cancer.  I'm in treatment, cancer is stable currently and I will remain in treatment until I die.  I could add until they find the cure, but I dont think they will.  Its to big a money maker and alot of people are making a fine nice living out of those who donate to cancer.  YES, I believe there are good researchers, good doctors, sincere people who want to find a cure.  I hope they find something for us, that will give us normal life span and soon.  I want to believe there are many that care about us.  Since I'm no longer working my full time county job, I now work at my candle and body care business to supplement my income.  I made a breast cancer candle last Sept to help fund myself since bills dont stop just because your ill.  This year I've decided i want to sell a ton of breast cancer candles.  For a few reasons, one to continue to earn an income, and also eventually I want to start a fund to help local Stage 4 Breast Cancer warriors.  Expenses when your ill, go thru the roof.  There is nothing in my small town to help those battling terminal breast cancer.  Even gas cards will go along way when your driving for treatment on a regular basis.  Sooo, this post is about my plan for this Sept and early October.  I will be making as many breast cancer candles as I can.  I would like to sell between 300-400.  Once i learn how to start a foundation or fund, I will designate 10% of each candle sold to this fund.  I will post a picture of the candle very soon.  If anyone would like to purchase one--please email me at dawn53094@yahoo.com.  I need to have this project completed by early October.  I'm traveling and having alot of doctor appts towards mid to end of October.  However, you can order them anytime I just may not get them out very quickly until after my doctor appts and scans.  Stage 4, is needing to get the word spread.  We need more research, more treatments that are not so harsh on our bodies and we need people to remember us.  I've experienced personally so many that once they get educated about Breast Cancer, they no longer want to talk to me.  I'm there worst nightmare.  I understand its scary--but please remember, this could happen to anyone, YOU, your loved ones, those who are lower staged already.  Distancing from those who have Stage 4 hurts, and its painful walking this journey alone.  I'll post more on this project later and add a picture.  I hope everyone is having a great summer, we are coming upon fall!  Apple Pies, Pumpkin bread and more!

Blog is infected

Im unable to utilize this blog due to it being infected by one of these gadgets.  I'm posting this to see if this will get on and I can get to my settings to have it removed. If not, I may have to delete this entire blog which will sadden me and start over. 

I'm going to Disney!

Well, I'm not but this little guy is and is there now.  This is Karson, or Karsy as well call him, our grandson. I took this photo as we dropped them off at the airport.  I think the expression on his face is a perfect fit for, "I'm going to see Micky".  His other grandpa gave his 3 daughters and families a trip to Disney for their Christmas gift.  I"m sure they are having a great time and I'm sure Karsy will enjoy his time with Micky. 

Its been warm here, we had a couple of days in the 70's even lower at night and it felt great to get that reprieve.  I guess we are headed back into the 90's this weekend.  I'm really enjoying the ease of the warmer weather.  I hope you all are to!  Any vacation plans?   We are still up in the air about what we are going to do..might just camp at various places.  I never tire of camping so thats just fine by me. 

Turtles and Weddings!

I'm kinda weird in that I like driving and looking for turtles.  Your almost always likely to find one...but normally I just miss it and go back and its gone.  Turtles are NOT as slow as we would think.  I was on my way to a wedding on Memorial Day weekend and lucky me saw this HUGE turtle sticking his head out.  Hubby went back and we got out and snapped this picture.  We also saw him poop.  Now if you've never seen a turtle poop, your missing out, well your not really missing out because its gross. It shoots out from its back and it goes quite far and its alot.  You would NOT want to get in its way when its doing its duty.  This turtle was very big, the picture probably dosnt do its justice. 

This is my co-workers, former co-workers wedding reception right before everyone came in.  Her wedding was beautiful, she was beautiful.  I was so happy to be able to get dressed up and get out....forget cancer for a short time.

This is my and hubby's place setting.  I was so hungry i ate 4 of those bags of hershey's kisses.  The two folks that were suppossed to sit next to us, did not show--so hey, I ate their candy!  I hope everyone is enjoying the outdoor weather. I sure am loving it.  Easier on my bones.  I have scans the end of this month,,,please keep me in your prayers that my cancer continues to decrease and leave my body....and not return for 25+ years.  do you think thats possible?

Bella and Tomatos

I've been laying low recently as last week i had a new port placed in my chest and let me tell you, it was NOT a good day.  It in fact was one of the hardest days for me since my diagnosis at the end of Sept.  I'm glad its over, I'm glad I have the port but gosh did that knock me right on my butt!  This week I had my first treatment with the port and it was a blessing to have it,,,although it did hurt as they accessed it thru the incision point....OUCH.  BUT praying everything goes well, I now dont have to be reminded that I am a cancer patient for 3 weeks!  Sooo, this is Bella!  Bella is a statue, a yoga lady that sits on my living room floor.  I treated myself to her when I got good scans for the 2nd time.  She reminds me of peace, tranquility, all the things I treasure in my life....and have searched so hard to find. 

This here is my tomatos. Country living's spring issue included a free pack of tomato seeds.  I being the savvy consumer, planted them.  Of course this was weeks ago...I now have officially 6 tomatos to place in the soil.  IF, they make it, I will post more pictures later.  Its getting nice and warm here on a regular basis now.  I love it.  I treasure each day I'm able to even just sit outside.  My flowers are all in the ground and summer things are out.  I hope each of you are also enjoying those nice warm summertime temps.  Summertime foods also are a huge hit this time of year.  For those of you who enjoy a good Sangria,  check out my recipe for Red Sangria.  Its amazingly good!

Grandpup Bugsy and State Park Camping

Bugsy is my grandpup.  He and our 3rd son came home last week for a surprise 4 day visit.  I had just happenned to purchase a crab for our grandchildren to watch and bugsy was mesmorized by him. 

Here he is again staring at the crab.  bugsy would do this all the time, just sit and watch him.  Do you think if Bugsy could get the crab he would have played it to death or just left it alone??? I think the crab would be LONG gone in crab heaven.  To bad they dont grow big enough I could steam him lol.

Baldyman and I went camping officially for the first time this past weekend.  We went to the State Park Wyalusing. Its beautiful there, but very treacherous driving.  At least I think so.  The park has camping spots that overlook the Wisconsin River and other places I believe the Mississippi River.  There are bluffs and steep woods everywhere in this park.  Its not easy to navigate when you have a motor home.  Thank goodness we have a smaller one. 

You cant tell how high this is,,but believe me it is..and you would not want to not pay attention while parking your camper.  Its beautiful to see, at night all the lights of the town glow.  I bought a nice pair of binoculars so we are officially into checking things out now.  We came home yesterday and after we unpacked i was ready to leave again.  Does that mean I'm getting ready to live in a RV full time??? We are tossing that idea around.  I'm looking for a bigger motor home reasonably priced in good shape.  If we find that perfect deal,,,we may trade ours in and slowly adjust to possibly doing just that. 

Grandpa and Grandson Cutting Grass

My son is gone working and has been for a week now--he wont be home for at least another week.  Karson is 2 and is the apple of his daddys eye.  They are inseparable.  One of Karsons favorite things in his little life is to cut grass, ride on tractors and just do man things with his dad.  My husband went to pick him up today to spend time with him doing those "manly things".  Karson has been pretty sad, missing his dad.

This is the cutest photo isnt it? 

Here is a good shot of little Karson and Grandpa.  Karson wears glasses.  I think he's so cute he should be on a box of Wheaties lol.  I hope the time he spent with his grandpa today eased his sadness of missing his daddy.  To a 2 year old, 2 weeks can seem like 2 years. 

Its still kinda cool here in Wisconsin.  I'm just waiting on the warm weather to arrive and then stay!  We are still trying to figure out where to go for our little summer vacation.  At first I was thinking Georgia..but with gas being so crazy-we are leaning towards something closer.  Now i'm thinking Missiouri camping on the Lake of The Ozarks...or by the Ozarks.  If anyone has any tips for that area please let leave them for me! 

Pretty in Pink!

This is my new bike!  I cannot believe that at the age of 54 I got my first brand new bike but its true.  I've always purchased used bikes just to peddle around the neighborhood.   I decided I needed to try out bike riding as my joints and legs are just in such discomfort from the cancer meds.  I cannot walk to far as I'm afraid I wont make it back home!  Soo, biking should work out as when I get tired or sore, i can take a break but peddle quickly back home.  I also decided no more used bikes for me.  I want one new bike in my lifetime.  This is from Wal-Mart, nothing expensive at all, but very nice to me.  It reminds of a beach cruiser which is what I've wanted for the last 2 years.  All  I need now is my wicker basket for picking up treasures on my rides or for small shopping here in town.  I didnt really think about "pink" until after i got it home and then i remembered pink is the standard color for fighting breast cancer.  Currently, I hate pink...hate it.  I choose red for "fight".  However, I do love how this bike looks so I'll just tell myself its just pretty in pink! 

Oklahoma

Recently we went to visit our 3rd son who lives in Tulsa Oklahoma.  He works on the road alot so he stays in this motorhome.  We stayed in it with him.  It was quite comfortable, although I surely missed my own things.  We stayed 9 days which was quite long for me.  I sure miss him though.  Oklahoma has been very nice weather wise...HOWEVER, let me say my husband and I must have brought bad luck because it rained the entire time we were there and didnt stop until 2 days before we left.  It was awful. Rained day and night. 

This is a ditch behind the rv park which was empty on the day we arrived.  We walked up there walking the dogs and you could walk in it,,,very small amount of water if any.  Not after the rain we brought!

This is Wisteria, which is my first time seeing it.  It was amazingly beautiful.  I want to see if I can get some here in Wisconsin...not sure if our climate is good for it.  I didnt like Tulsa, much at all.  Alot of poverty. Homeless everywhere, you could see their belongings underneath the bridges...it was very very sad to me. Alot of vacant buildings and alot of fences.  Fences everywhere,,,on just about every home, no matter how cheap or expensive.  The elite homes were so well fenced you could not even see their homes.  The food was good, Oklahoma Bar B Que cant be beat.   If it were not for my son staying there we would not go back.  I"m kinda hoping he comes back home.  Last summer he was in Texas and that was awesome.  Tulsa,  thumbs down.  The other weird thing was, we did not see kids outside playing.  In the 9 days we were there, I saw 2 kids.  I wondered if they allow children in the state lol...very odd.  Anyhow, we did alot of shopping, visiting and enjoying our son.  I miss him already but I am glad to be back home.

Spring Crocus

I bought a new camera that I've learning to use.  Its a Sony Cyber Shot, not the greatest of greatest but appears to be pretty good. I got tired of the bigger Fuji Camera that I forget to lug around and wanted something very small to carry in my purse at all times.  When you think of all the wonderful things we see, and then are unable to capture them because we left our camera at home.  Sooo, I finally went out and got a small camera that I can have with me at all times.  This is a close up shot of my crocus.  They popped open this weekend. Wisconsin is having unusually warm temps right now.  Of course we are all hoping that means they are here to stay.  No more snow, no more cold temps right????????  Well, we all know the cold and possible snow flurries will return..but the nice thing is-they will not return for long.  Spring has definitely arrived.   I saw my first robins on March 11, went to get a picture but they flew off and havent seen any since.  I'm excited for it to be a daily recurrence.  I'm continuing to do ok...cancer continues to show signs of diminishing.  Its very hard to get excited about this because I know with Stage 4...its always there lurking.  It will progress again...just dont know when.  My hope and prayer is that it regresses long enough for them to find a medicine that will surely give us a chronic condition..not a death sentence.  I am one who really believes there will NOT be a cure.  The money that pours into cancer research is amazing...it will not be given up.  Soo I think the best we can hope for are new meds to give us longer life, but the cure will forever elude us.    I'm getting used to being off of work.  I am doing ok except that I am longing to be outside.  I get restless being couped up in the house for days on end.  I just returned from a 4 day Metastatic Breast Cancer Retreat that was amazing.  I kept getting asked, "am i having fun", "did I have fun".  This was the first time in my life I could not answer that question.  It wasnt fun...it was heavy, spiritual, deep, and one of the best experiences of my lifetime.  The closeness and understanding from woman to woman when they have cancer is unreal.  We are all traveling a path we would never have picked, but yet its not all bad.  Some of it is very very good.  The women are amazing fighters.  All the same reason for wanting to survive---our families.  That is the hardest part of all for me, knowing most of us may not make it very long and yet all we want is more time with our families.  Gut wrenching.  

I'm also getting my home ready for spring.  We have all our deck furniture out.  Nice so when its nice outside,,i can enjoy sitting out there...best to get our Vit D the natural way!  I plan on a small trip this week to Oklahoma to visit our son. I'm looking forward to a long roadtrip and checking out the sights of a new city!  Hopefully i'll have plenty of pictures to share with you on my return!

Easter is on its way!

I love this bunny that hangs above my french doors.  She's full of color, reminds me of spring and she's free flowing.

I purchased this large bunny a couple of years ago from Pier 1 Imports.  She holds candy for the grandchildren when they come over.

The fireplace mantel is freshened up for Spring also.  I didnt do as much as I normally do this year.  Energy level isnt quite there yet.  I'm happy that I"m back at things and doing fairly well. I dont know if any of you have noticed but it seems the stores just arent carrying much these days.  I think they are spooked about the economy and dont want to get stuck holding all kinds of leftover merchandise.  I get that, but at least could they carry something different and unique????  Where I live there arent many choices to shop..so its very limited.  My favorite place is normally Target, they carry alot of seasonal merchandise and its usually quite different.  This year, i didnt feel they had much.  Oh well, I guess that means I'll hang onto my money for the "hopeful" vacations I may get this year.  In 2 weeks we plan to drive to Oklahoma to visit our son.  I'm looking forward to the drive and change of scenery.  I'm getting quite tired of doctor appts and treatment and this whole new life "cancer".  I want to put it away in a box and never have it come out again.  Is that possible?

Pretty Lights

One of my weaknesses is pretty soft lights.  I visited a blogger the other day,,lord knows my "treatment" brain cannot remember, BUT I do remember she had a chandelair (sp) above her kitchen sink. I loved the idea, but since I do not own this home--or have the money right now-to purchase one, I found this idea to be the next best thing.  AND..inexpensive. At Pottery Barn I found this crystal little candle light.  We hung it above the sink and its absolutely peaceful and stunning at night.  My picture is blurry, forgive me but I'm still learning this camera after 3 years.  I really didnt have time with work, and other obligations to really sit down and play with this camera.  I'm trying now--but its not easy for me.  I am thinking I may have to look into another camera..as I dont like this one.  Anyhow, I love this little candle light--I just pop in a tealight at night and I have my mini kitchen chandelair!  I know that spelling is OFF!

This lamp was given to me on my recent birthday by my cousin.  I love it!  I like turning it on during the day just for the glow. I'm learning one of my addictions is crystal lamps, candleholders etc.  Its to bad I dont have a Mcmansion to get hundreds lol.   

Happy Valentines Day!

These are some new plates I found at Marshalls this weekend.  Reminded me of Spring, so i bought 2. Thats right 2, so if baldyman breaks one--which is very likley...I dont know what i will do!  for now...I'm going to enjoy them.

This is my dining room light fixture, if you look closely you will see my little heart birds on it.  I thought they were adorable!

AND..what is Valentines day without a candle, this is my Valentines Candle that I made, called Best Friends!  I purchased some tin lamp tops and as you can see they are pretty nice.  These will fit on most candles, I wanted to see how they look so I'm checking them out tonight.  so far, so good!

AND....drum roll, here is our meal.  Rib eye steak, lobster, fingerling pototoes and carrots.  It was better than good.  I ate every morsel and am so grateful to God my appetite is back!  Not that I dont need to keep losing weight..I do..but when stuff like this comes up--Im first in line.

And my husbands famous greek salad.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE this salad...sad thing is the treatment I'm taking for my cancer is messing with my tongue and i had to give this up due to sores on my tongue.  Well tonight i decided to try it again..and it tasted as wonderful as I remember it,,but nope its very irritating to my tongue so I cannot have seconds or finish it off at 10PM like I used to do.  I ate so much salad I'm surprised I didnt turn into a piece of lettuce.   So that was our homecooked Valentines meal...It rocked.  We also had chocolate covered strawberries of which I did not take a picture..those completed the meal just wonderfully.  Now, its back to clean up and then hot tub time...and then Hope Floats!~  I hope all of you did something wonderful for yourself, or your family.  Valentines Day is my absolute favorite day of the year.  Nothing better than loving and being loved!

54th Birthday and Valentines Day!

Today I turned 54.  Every day, every birthday is much more precious when you have a serious illness. I intend on celebrating everything, and not feel guilty about that extra slice of pizza, or cake, or drink!  AND of course I want presents..lots of them..I'll use them lol.  Someone asked me yesterday, do you feel older?  and nope I dont...I dont feel i look older, (yet) and I dont feel like my mind thinks older...but when I get up from the chair or couch,,,my bones remind me, I'm not that young anymore.  otherwise, no i do not.  I think the 50's is the new 30's.  Women are looking beautiful well into old age these days...gorgeous.  If i could lose more weight, tone up--I wouldnt mind myself to much.  A never ending journey that is.  I'm so eager for spring, I cant stand it anymore. I purchased some pretty flowery, bird plates in anticipations.  I'll have to take a picture and post it this week.  It just feels like spring is in the air, its knocking.  I"m soooo excited!

Goals

Ok this made me think.  I"m tired of thinking actually, lol.  Seems thats all I do since I got sick.  BUT..since a free banner is involved I continue to think!  For me, since all these life changes have taken place for me, my thoughts are usually on, finding a way of doing something that will not only be fun in the moment,,but leave a legacy of memories.  When your faced with a terminal illness, you truly learn what it means to live in the moment, the day, the hour, the minute.  Along with that, comes thoughts of wanting to get out there and embrace life.  Do something that makes you laugh, laugh hard...and also leaves memories for yourself and those you love.  I'm focused on doing hopefully a couple of vacations this year.  I've always wanted to camp by the ocean, and go to sleep listening to the waves and awaken listening to more waves. I want to take my bucket of ice cold coronas down to the seashore and watch the ocean, the birds, the sky, and if I"m lucky a dolphin!  I want to feast on fresh lobster, that isnt overly priced because it has to be shipping into my state.  In other words, seconds!!!! heck maybe thirds!  I want to laugh, laugh all day, go to sleep laughing.  I want those around me-those who care about me, to see that just because your faced with an illness, you can still get up every day and embrace what life may offer you.  Thats my note to self....keep working on making that camping on the ocean come to life...real soon..the waves are calling!

My Reading Corner

Hi all, its been awhile. Seems to be the same thing I say everytime I come on the blog.  Lots of changes for me in the last couple of months.  I'm now done working.  I officially went on Long Term Disability and my last week was last week.  I simply cannot do that job full time--not even part time.  They need help and my little assistance of 15 hours a week made me feel guilty.  Soo I let go.  My long term disability will cover my health insurance hopefully until Medicaid kicks in which is 2 plus years away.  Finding out about all this is pretty disconcerting.  It takes 6 months to get SSDI...and then another month to get the check..so really its 7 months for that.  For Medicaid it takes 2 years, AFTER you get your SSDI.  I think they hope you die before they have to insure you.  Anyhow, for now--for today I am ok.  I still have my  health insurance and should be able to care for that until I am eligible for Medicaid.  I had my first set of scans right before Christmas and it showed the cancer diminishing.  My oncologist said I have alot of cancer--so I have a ways to go.  I have Cancer in my breast bone, my spine, my pelvic area and my ribs.  I can tell its lessning as I have no need for any type of pain meds right now.  I weaned myself off of Morphine, Oxycodone, and Naproxen.  I was on alot of meds those first couple of months.  Today I take nothing other than my daily Femara cancer pill and my IV treatment every 3 weeks.  I am on hormone therapy.  My body seems to be responding ok to treatment. My only side effects as of today are sore tongue and fatique.  I have had problems with my treatment lately, my veins will just not cooperate.  I had the port put in last Thursday and I'm recovering from that.  I think once this heals--it will be a blessing to NOT get poked again.  My blood tests continue to be great, my immune system is at its peak.  Despite needing to lose at least 75 lbs, being full of cancer in my bones,,,they say I'm healthy--I find that funny.   Its amazing how our bodies work and respond.  Anyhow I'll take that good news!

Currently, I'm working on my website and my business. I need to bring in some sort of extra income due to losing mine.  I pray God will bless my business and my efforts.  Its taking alot of work--I'm new at this and I'm finding it NOT easy.  Each day I try to list another product...

My family is doing well, everyone is healthy and good...and thats a blessing also.  When I got sick i received several books from people.  I was unable to read them due to lack of time but now that I'm not working I do have the time.  I also wanted to declutter my house.  I simply cannot stand all this little "foo foo" stuff anymore.  I cleared out my dining room somewhat and made myself a little corner by the patio doors so I can sit and read, pray etc.  I bought this new chair, added a small angel fountain, and hopefully once the cat understands this is my chair-not HIS..I will be able to sit and use it.  I like to watch the birds eat and play and this will be an awesome place to view that.  The blanket on the chair is special.  This blanket was prayed over for 5 days by my SIL and BIL church and people.  I put it over me and pray for God to heal my body and others who have cancer.  Stage 4 is scary...I try not to be scared.  My goal is to reach NED (no evidence of disease) and stay there for 25+ years.  Most of my posts will be Cancer related, I'm sorry if that isnt fun...but its my life now.  I still enjoy cooking, decorating etc...but the reality for me--is fighting daily to live.  I know that alot of bloggers prefer the "happy" the new items for the homes, etc...while thats fun..and a nice escape...I hope that some will find their way back to me--and help me on this journey.  I'm amazed at how one can buy a lamp and get 50 comments...one can post on something like this--and get none.  We need to support each other--life is NOT all decorating and "happy".  Its dam hard, its lonely, its scary.  I hope this dosnt offend anyone but I've seen alot of death, sickness and fear the last 4 months.  I'm not the same woman.  I'm a woman that has a deep heart and ache for all those hurting out there by this insideous disease.  Please join me in freindship, and prayer..and just support!

Life in general

My goal is to get back to blogging on a regular basis.  I have the time now..so I just gotta do it! I'm working on my website and hope to see it up soon.  Right now its a mess..lol.  My candles have been doing quite well, I'm getting alot of good feedback from them.  Makes me happy.  

One the cancer side of my journey, I had my treatment this week.  I have hormone treatment due to my cancer being estrogen driven.  My treatment consists of IV every 3 weeks, bone treatment every 6 weeks thru IV, an injection in the abdomen every 3 weeks to bring on menopause.  I also take a cancer pill daily.  Overall I'm doing ok.  I have good days, bad days.  There are times I just sleep, or just lay low.  There are still days I can conquer the moon.  I love it when I have those. I have days that I feel so well I cannot believe I'm stage 4.  Then i have days where I hurt so much I KNOW i have stage 4.  I'm attempting to come to grips that I will not be cured. Apprently you dont get cured from Stage 4.  You die from it--at some point.  I hate that.  but i'm coming to terms.  there are more and more women surviving many years with this cancer--good quality years.  Some are well over 10 now.  I want to be a part of that group. That is my prayer.  Also, i figure each year you survive, newer treatments will come out--and perhaps one will come along where its a given that you can live--out a normal life span, just always have the disease. In the meantime, my goal is to spend quality time with my children and grandchildren, camp more--beach more, travel with my husband...AND build my business to a solid enough business I can pass it down to my kids so they have an income.  I love my business.. LOVE it.  I need years to do what I want--so like I said--my prayer is for years.  Its winter here in wisconsin,, I'm not happy about that. going out into the cold now--it goes right to my bones and its very uncomfortable. I'm longing for the warm weather so im more comfortable physically but also so I can get out and embrace life..gardening, swimming, staying up and and star gazing..all the things I love to do. It means so much more to me now.  I hope to also build my blog...I still want to decorate and make my home a safe, comfortable place to be..and I still enjoy reading and trying new recipes.  I will get out and blog visit again...and I hope to meet many freinds--and if im lucky--maybe some that have survived the same type of cancer that I have and are living a decent quality of life.  If you know of anyone that is doing well with Stage 4 breast cancer--PLEASE send them my way.  Cancer is a lonely journey.

Update on Cancer Journey!

Hi everyone! Its been a very long time.  I will be coming back to blogland and with a vengence.  I have a business to build, a website to promote, and a life to be lived.  I need encouragement, uplifting people and positive thoughts.  From what I've learned and continue to learn at this point, I'm terminal. My oncologist will not say that, he believes in living, and fighting the fight and beating the odds. I'm glad he is like that, because I tend to be negative, scared and timid.  BUT...I'm fighting--its just maybe different than some do. So far, I've had 2 treatments, my 3rd will be this tuesday.  Treatment is hormone based, I took it very well last time--other than for about 3-5 days I was beyond tired and would fall asleep while sleeping lol.  this time I get the bone part of the treatment and the last time I had that I did not feel right-and my chest felt weird for about 2 weeks. I'm going to ask for a different bone treatment as I didnt like that. We shall see. My husband and my daughter go with me on my treatment days. I love that, I cannot be alone.  My husband and my kids are very supportive and loving, I could NOT ask for anything more.  However, and this seems to be a common thread amongst all cancer warriors...I get lonely.  Its a lonely I cannot explain.  I'm thinking what it is,,,is that I need someone who has cancer like me--to talk to.  They "get" it.  I dont want to burn out my husband,,it seems all we talk about is "cancer", how i'm feeling, etc.  Its not fair to him.  I dont want my end of life story to be--after I die--he runs out and finds some healthy lady that he falls madly in love with--has passionate sex with, because it felt so good to be with someone who didnt always talk illness, or show pain etc.  I want him to be having all his needs met also..its imperative that he does--because he is my caretaker.

My website for my business should be up and running hopefully this week.  I plan on building my business as best i can--for income for us...as well as to leave my children with a business that is making a decent income so they have an inheritance.  I will be eternally grateful and at peace if I can do this. 

I'm still working about 13-15 hours per week at my full time job. I was approved for SSDI but that does not begin until april 1.  they make you wait 6 months. Do you think if anyone in the senate got a terminal disease they would wait for 6 months for a paltry 800 dollars a month. Not only that, they make you wait 2 years for health insurance..here you are dying--and you have to wait 2 years!!!!  Thank god for right now--for today I'm ok to work and I have an employer that is willing to accept my limitations and I can keep my health insurance..thank you GOD!  What most of you dont know--or those that arent sick--is that is our reality.  so when I got sick at the end of sept--my life as i knew it stopped.  My full time income is done.  What i earn now will go to paying for our health insurance. I'm ok with that...but reality is , bills do not stop because you got cancer.  I have obligations to pay each month.  so far i've been able to pay them. I have a lease car--thank you god another smart decision i've made--so my payment on this new car is very cheap. I've been able to make that thru my business and pray I continue to do so.  My job covers the health insurance.  Thats all i have for now other than some small bills which I will be able to pay off.  I have to say--for any of you that enjoy candles--soy candles,,100% soy candles--please consider buying from me. I will do my best to make sure even with shipping its worth your financial while to do this.  I am trying to support myself with my business and I have no problem asking people to consider buying from me--keep the business in the U.S..and from someone who truly needs the income. 

another great thing about buying from me!!! Iguarantee my candles...if you find they dont burn right--I will replace them or your money. I've only had one breakage in my shipping so far and I've shipped as far as France! I now have customers in Los Angeles on their repeat order!!! that says alot to me..I'm so proud.

anyhow, I will be coming here more often to not only keep my cancer journey updated but also keep my business going strong.  I pray all of you are doing well out there!  I look forward to reconnecting with alot of you...I also look forward to "living" my life--one day at a time--truly and continuing with decorating and making my home or where ever I live--a comfortable beautiful place to spend my days and nights. I fully believe healing and life length is promoted by not only our oncologists, and treatments but by our mental attidtudes, our faith in God, prayers, and an environment that is positive, uplifting, beautiful and peaceful.